A Hopeless Romantic

Whats a hopeless romantic anyhow?

So perhaps I am a hopeless romantic. Perhaps I do believe in a "Happy Ending," perhaps I do believe because I know what I am capable of and know that I will work to make my relationship work with someone who is seriously my happy ending and someone who brings out my inner beauty effortlessly. I have settled many times for what I felt I needed to do based on the situation, circumstances, or temporary emotions, but as I have matured and embraced what a Independent woman truly means I just sit and wait.. They say good things come to those who wait, so I have waited patiently, eyed the scene, and observed the mistakes of others as a lesson of my own. I just know that I would give my all into it because I truly want someone to do the same for me. A relationship is like having another job, it is something that you have to work at daily in order for it to fully work, well I am ready to clock in and do what it takes to be in what I believe is the "happy ending" that fits my personal life goals, and dreams while also being able to provide the same assets to "his" life.

Communication and commitment are key, along with strong ambition and dedication to survive and endure whatever it takes to be successful in life and all of the journeys, roads, and hurtles that it takes you through. You can't really "fake the funk" and be in a successful relationship because the true value of the relationship is keeping up the facade of how "happy" you two really are. Why hang on to what you are comfortable calling your happy ever after when you know that your happy left right after. I don't want to fake the funk and I do not want him to fake the funk either. Is this even remotely possible in a world where commitment is spoken of but rarely seen as something to be successfully possible?

Where do you even find your happy ever after? Do you even look for it, or does it just find you?

I am not sure how the dating scene works, however I am the shyest chick in America and I could never imagine approaching "him" to let him know that he makes my legs feel like jello, and I feel those butterflies in my stomach when he is near, and my whole body is warm and I just know my face shows how Bashfully excited I am but wait .... the moments happen so fast I become lost in my thoughts, dreams, and fantasies and I always forget to smile. In my head I have everything that I want to tell you, in person I don't even know if my voice works when your around. How awkwardly unacceptable I have become due to false hopes and pretenses that lead my heart, and inner being shattered. Perhaps a tall wall stands in front of me and I sure as hell am willing to knock it down for you but how do I even do that when you don't know if "he" even remotely feels the same way as you do. I shall admire you from a far meanwhile I hopelessly await for the right moment.

When is the moment ever right?

Life changes on a daily basis, different situations arise, stress factors increase or decrease, and valuable seconds are lost. How will the moment ever be right in the world of the shyest chick in America who has almost nothing to lose but everything to gain. I know I can wow him based on my qualities, and awesomeness however I have to shake this high school crush feeling away and step up my Milf-ism and knock this cuties out of his gym sneakers.

My Happy Ending...

I want my happy ending to make me smile even when we disagree with one another, during the storm we can help one another make light of the dark situation, blow me away with your random qualities, and let's build on our love daily regardless of how busy we may become. A big commitment that will never warn us of whats to come, a lengthy road that what will test our strength, the story we create during the exploration is what we truly live for because this story is about our love and dedication to one another which ultimately is our "happy ending."

A Single Mama's Vent.

The hardest job in the world is being a single parent. When I was young I seen what my mother went through and I knew being a single parent was something that I did not want to ever do. Well life does not always work that way I learned the hard way. Far too often I hear people say its all about who you choose; well what about when the other person chooses to neglect their responsibility. It amazes me how someone can neglect their parental responsibilities but yet feel the small check they send weekly is suppose to cover everything and make up for their absence. How can you be step dad/mom of the year but yet are the worst biological mom/dad to ever exist. 

I didn't want to ever be a sour "baby mother" but when you can not even meet me a quarter of the way why should I be even the smallest concerned with what happens to you. Why should I care about your life when I am the one who is doing 100% for the child that we both created. I do not care what the circumstances were the fact of the matter is that we both produced a child that is financially dependent on us and you are living life peacefully as I carry the weight of the world on my back. I will never bad mouth you to "our" child however I will never speak positively of your either, I will actually not speak about you at all considering your are absent in my child's life anyhow. There is no point in speaking about things that do no exist. 

I didn't choose this life however I have stepped up to the plate and have clocked in to the job of being a mother, coach, supporter, friend, provider, cook, doctor, and I could go on forever but choose not too. The point is that my job is a 24 hour job that lasts 365 with no time off, sick days, or personal days. You have no personal time when you are a single parent your personal time now involves a little person that still needs your assistance and guidance. My sick days still require me to get up and prepare 3 meals and a few snacks throughout the day even with a congested head or fever. 

I don't ever complain but that doesn't mean that I do not cry myself to sleep at night because I am so overwhelmed. We all have our own situations however when you are alone because your trying your best to be the best damn parent that you can be life becomes a little tough and you do feel isolated and trapped in a world full of responsibility. You feel like you can not really relate or fit in; reality is no one really understands you because what you do can not really be expressed verbally, and physically you wont allow the hard times show so its hard to express what really makes you tired. Its not the kids that make you tired; reality is being responsible is what has you drained, but unless you are there to see it you wont know what its like; it looks a hell of a lot easier looking from the outside in. However from the inside I can not see what it's like to be free, available and carefree for just 5 minutes. 

Don't be so quick to judge. We don't all chose the life we live; sometimes we just chose to do what we need to do in order to make the life we have to live work in our best favor. I didn't go out there and look for a total deadbeat to procreate with. No one goes out there and plans to raise children alone; some are lucky enough to find their companion for life, while others have to step up to the plate and do the best they could on their own. No one is going to do a better job, and we will all do things differently, one method might work and many will fail however negatively judging a situation without the background facts will never help any situation.