Opening old doors.

I often how write about how losing weight gave me a new perspective. Prior to me taking on my journey I often heard people sharing their positive happy thoughts and thought to myself how I wanted them to shut up. I did not understand how working out, eating healthy equaled a happier life. Seemed like some mad up crap that I did not want to fall victim too. I felt this was part of the "fake it to make it" business

And . . . 

I was not a believer 

I worked out for 4 years. I changed my eating habits. I trained & pushed myself daily. I was hard on myself and I did not understand how things that I wanted to change did not. I was focusing on small things and was not standing back and looking at the bigger picture. It's kind of like when I was 245 pounds and I did not own a full length mirror. All of my weight gain was all in my stomach but I never saw it as I only had short mirrors that captured my upper body.

Sometimes you just cant hide it anymore and you have to do things you've never done before.

Stepping back and looking at my journey with a positive clean mind I now do not hate the girl who was 245 pounds. I do not look at her in disgust. I do not judge her and I know that she does not live here anymore. It's not so much about losing the weight it's more about finding yourself while leaving behind toxic habits and relationships. I opened many old doors. I answered many times to the past. I settled for less

And . . . 

I did not have faith in myself 

I allowed others to define who I was perhaps because it was just easier. I lost myself trying to please the world and found myself down a long dark road all alone. I was hurt and yet it did not matter to any of those whom were "on my side" were by my side. At the end of the day we only have ourselves and we can only please that same person. Misery loves company and the past will always come back knocking.

It's about moving out and on.

Those who really matter won't need to knock. And those who don't will knock at your old residency. Why continue to let past experiences that caused you pain and heartache to walk through your personal happy space that you created. Why allow the past to inquire about the future when they are truly uninterested and were uninterested when you needed them. Timing is everything and sometimes they wait until it is too late and that is not something that I care to worry about. 

People like to be apart of the process but they do not like doing what takes to help you get there. They hate when your doing better than them and talk about you when you trust them with your secrets. I rather sit in silence with myself than be in the presence of many who can careless about my best interest. 

In order to move forward we have to

O P E N 

new doors & explore the unknown 

New Gym / New Perspective?

So I started at a new Gym after attending my old gym for 4 years. Well here we are back to the place where I have to leave my comfort zone and start fresh. Back to the very first day in a new place with new machines, people, and a whole new daily experience. I had my routine, made friends, felt comfortable, and well just like that everything changed and it was time to start fresh and move on.

Change is something that is needed and is inevitable. We will not know when it is going to happen, nor do we visually see it until we really focus and pay attention. With change comes a whole new boost of confidence and self worth. Even if no one tells you that you are doing a good job you will feel it within yourself and that is all the validation that is needed. In life we can not aim to meet the expectations of others when they can not even meet their own expectations. No one has figured out how to make it out alive, nor have they figured out the perfect way to do it all.

We need to take wrong turns. Shed the tears. Endure the bad moments. In order to appreciate and accept the good moments that await you. What may seem like the most horrible moment in time is actually just mentally testing your ability to continue pushing forward. Are you going to give up on yourself as if expected. Or will you fight and push through because your curious to test your own ability. I have had many bad moments. I have also had many bad years, months, and weeks. I have let these moments take over my life, and recently I have learned to take the moments head on and fight through them. We could lay in bed and make excuses or we can use those excuses as motivation to attain high success because there's nothing but time and opportunity awaiting.

If we settle in the comfort zone, we are unable to fully explore our full potential. Taking the leap of faith is how it all begins. When I began my Yoga Journey I was afraid to fall. Within a few days I realized falling was a part of the process. We are not able to see what we have done wrong and we are not able to grow without the hard moments or the falls that make and prepare us for the next time. Every time the scale did not budge I pushed further. I could have given up and I could also have ended up back at 245 lbs wondering what I did wrong. I can start over every day and become better than yesterday or I can give up and start over when it may be too late.

Ultimately we all have choices.   

I chose to learn these new machines, to work harder than I did these last 4 years, to continue striving for best of my athletic ability because this is something that I wanted and desired. Music turned up loud. Directions are on all the machines and always keep in mind YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST CRITIC. No one around you is thinking or judging you as hard or as much as you are. Relax and enjoy the journey and smile while you still have teeth because tomorrow is not guaranteed. 

In a Blink

b l i n k   into   r e a l i t y

In a blink of an eye a lot can change, you either see it or miss the opportunity.
In a blink of an eye some doors will open while others will close. 
In a blink of an eye the world shifts, time passes by, and life begins and ends.
In a blink of an eye what may have seemed as impossible can actually be possible if we look at the bright side.
In a blink of an eye the bright side is lost and we focus on the dark side & negative factors.
In a blink of an eye what is done in the dark comes to light,
In a blink of an eye we can lose the one we love & find the one we been missing.
In a blink of an eye that chapter finishes.
In a blink of an eye the new story unfolds.
In a blink of an eye we can smile & be ourselves.
In a blink of an eye we will not figure it all out.
In a blink of an eye we can soak it all in and just live in the moment.
In a blink of an eye you could open your heart up to the stranger that can change your life.
In a blink of an eye you can trust and do the unthinkable just because you can.
In a blink of an eye the hardest person can have the biggest heart of gold you've ever encountered.
In a blink of an eye judgement is passed and an ego is broken.

In a single blink someones whole world can change.

It's what you do with every blink 

Weight-Loss Questions.

Believe. Achieve. Succeed. 

Often I get asked what is my workout routine and how long should someone go to the Gym, what weight should they get down too, and when should they stop and no longer have to workout.
My answer to all those questions is I do not have the answers simply because my journey has taught me to focus on my health and on becoming happier within my own skin.

For many years I crash dieted, I binged, I starved, I over ate, and I set high expectations of losing a certain amount in a short amount of time. I was competing with what or who? You should never feel as if weight-loss is a competition or as if you only have a certain amount of time to get healthy. For me this journey was about finding myself, loving myself, and pushing myself to the limits that I know my body can endure. For a long amount of time I was hearing, "You can't do that. You're too fat to try that. Fat people don't do things like that."

However this fat girl knew she could. 

Losing my brother in 2010, I ate my feelings and did not allow myself to grieve. I held it in and simply ate to just make the pain go away. I was in such a fog of depression that I did not realize I gained 55 lbs in a very short amount of time. I felt as if the dryer was shrinking my clothes and still did not acknowledge that I was my biggest size EVER. Even after having a child I was never 245 lbs. But after suddenly losing my only brother, going through a bad breakup, and enduring further family issues, I simply did not care and ate whatever I wanted and fell further into depression. 

Sad truth is the world was not afraid to mention my weight gain. Sad truth the world will never ask you what happened to get you to this point. Rather they will judge, point fingers, and associate you with being lazy. Sad truth is no one will know the story behind the "fat girl who is constantly being judged or talked about and never helped or loved." 

Comfort Zones are where Dreams go to Die.

I knew that I could make an excuse as to why I can not go to the Gym or I can actually get my butt up and go. I could remain in my comfort zone doing what has not worked throughout the years or I can get up and do something that I have no tried before and see what that can do. I woke up one morning and I signed up for the Gym. I did not plan ahead and say, "Monday is the day." I simply just knew this is what I was ready to do. I did not have a workout buddy and that did not matter to me because I was working on myself for myself and I did not need anyone but myself. I had NO knowledge of how to use ANY machine but yet I observed others, I Googled the Machine names and I watched tutorials. If I wanted to get this done I needed to figure out how to do it and that is what I did. I broke out of my comfort zone I got down and dirty and was not afraid of walking away a sweaty mess. 

I began slowly and worked my way up. I listened to no one as I wanted to do this at my speed and I wanted this to become a Lifestyle and not a short term goal. Throughout the process I struggled, I wanted to give up, and I woke up many days sore and with little to no results. I plateaued several times and just did not understand why I was not seeing any change. However as I sit back I realize I did see results; they may not have been physical but change was occurring. 

Slow Progress = Big Results 

I changed my life and I was now eating healthier meals that my son also loved. I was going to the Gym 3-4 days a week and I was feeling and looking better. My attitude changed and I embraced the women I was becoming. I admired my strength and courage to do something that others fail at daily. I stood consistent even on the days where I wanted to cry and never walk into the Gym again. I survived the pulled muscles from pushing myself too hard. 

Whatever does not kill you will make you stronger and it sure has. 

I began my Weight-loss Journey in 2012 and here we are 4 years later and I now can do Yoga, hike steep mountain terrains, and I do not have to hide behind my clothes or hair. I can be free to just be who I am because I have worked pretty damn hard to discipline my mind, body and soul. I enjoy the physical activity because it is not forced and it is exciting to see what new things I can achieve. Being healthy should never be a short term goal. You should never focus on the number on the scale. And you should never rush the process. It is not about losing weight to be happy it about being happy within yourself and being confident regardless if you are 150 lbs or 250 lbs. 

Success should never be defined by a number