Parenting

Parenting..... Where shall I start?....... No one is perfect nor is anyone's up bringing or way of parenting. The only thing that everyone can do is learn from what they have seen heard or experienced. Most of everyone in which I am around or socialize with are parents; with that said this subject has been the reason why I decided to write this blog.

Being a single parent is hard enough we all know and those who do not know well just be aware its not a walk in a park nor is it good and dandy. The key is to make it look like it is but how can you make something look good or easy when your breaking down on the inside and forcing your face to smile and not release tears? Many males and females do it daily and yes I say males and females because for every deadbeat "baby daddy" there is a deadbeat "baby momma" neither one of the sexes can be discriminated against when they are both equal offenders to the same crimes. When the happiness is gone and you cant bare to force another smile on your face without breaking down crying where have you gone wrong? Where have you failed as a parent? Have you failed as a parent or have you failed on yourself? You have not failed in any aspect. Failure is not an option unless you want it to be one. Breaking down only means that everything in which you did not want to face and was running away from finally caught up to you and it was just too much for you to handle at that second. For every smile you force, for each time you say "I don't care", that's just another obstacle that got placed on Hold to deal with at a later time. The problem is that we just don't know when that "Later Time" will be. No more faking, no more pretending, no more running and hiding its time to stand tall and feel honored that you have took on parenting and all that comes with it. You are riding the wave alone remaining -Unbreakable-.

Explaining things to children. One of the hardest things any parent will have to face especially if you have to explain something that you know will hurt them.
Divorces * Breakups * Changes in living conditions * a new baby * work schedule * or missing one of their events * Death *
Those were just a few examples of some tough conversations that some parents have to have with their child.

 How can you apologize to your child for someone walking into their life taking on the parent role and several years later walking out of their life and never keeping in contact with them. Children are the happiest little people around. They do no harm nor do they ask to be broken hearted. I have had 3 people in the same situation they are all single mothers and had to explain to their child why their Dad or step dad is no longer in their life. How do you break the news to this little person whom does not know what it is to no longer have the one thing that they love so much around anymore. Than again how can someone be there for a child for X amount of years and than walk out and never call write or keep in contact with the child at least. Do you not thing the child will be heartbroken, crushed, and think that you never cared or loved them. Children know more than they will tell you same with they feel more that they will be able to express. Having a 4year old cry because their step dad or dad wasn't around this Christmas but was around every other Christmas would be the hardest thing any mother would have to swallow. ( Same goes for the males that have to explain the same thing to these children ) How can you explain the changes to the child without breaking their heart more and without making the other person look bad. I say without making the other person look bad because the last thing you want to do is make the person your child thinks is a Superhero into the Town Villain and crushing their dreams. Keeping everything short is sweet is the key. Explaining that every so often we have changes that occur in our life but regardless of the change you (the child) will always be loved. Just because certain people do not see us, live with us or come around as much as they once did does not mean that no one loves you anymore. I am not an expert but I feel children deserve the right to know why things have changed and why certain people are not around anymore and although they will not fully understand I feel that by giving them a short and sweet explanation will reassure the child that someone will always love them and be there for them.

Bad mouthing your spouse or child's father/mother is a big NO NO! I see this done daily by a numerous amount of people in different age groups. Regardless of your age you should NOT BE DOING THIS. Last thing we want to do is give the child an impression of the other person that they may not need. If your spouse or child's parent has done something to you that has made you upset keep your feeling emotions to yourself. The last thing the child needs to hear is that their other parent doesn't care, or is a loser/scum bag, broke, isn't going to amount to nothing, is worthless, a deadbeat, or etc. Why would you want to say all of these things that a child knows is hurtful about the person that they love or better yet have not met. Its not fair, cute, or mature on anyone's part to say or do those things. At the end of the day regardless of how you fee the one that suffers the most is the child. Not allowing your child's mom/dad to see them because you are upset, angry or dislike them is not fair to the child. Why would anyone take away from a child the opportunity to see/spend time with their mom/dad because of the resentment that they have towards that person? Is it fair? Does it make you feel better at the end of the day? Later on in life when your child is able to put the puzzle pieces together are you the one who wants to look immature and stupid or would you rather be able to take that breath of fresh air because you have no dirty laundry that someone can air for you! We must think before we act because when we react that might not always turn out to be too good. As a parent the focus is not on how you feel anymore or about how much you dislike your spouse or their mother/father its about how everyone can work together to make sure that your child's smile never fades and is never forced. Their comes a time when everyone grows up isn't selfish and puts others feelings first that being your child.

No one is going to be a perfect parent just like no child will be the perfect child, but the memories that everyone will store and keep forever are how hard everyone worked to make sure things can be close to perfect. Nothing in life comes easy and there is no Instruction Booklet to life or Parenting but seeing what others go through and using that into perspective is all everyone can do. With every step there is a lesson to be learned and making sure that you learn from the lesson will be the key to success and happiness. Without happiness there is no success.

when you feel hopless... Abandoned

When chaos arises and you feel like as if everything you do say or try and accomplish will only set you back a few feet behind than what? Knowing that you have no one to depend on but yourself has got to be the one thing you must learn to grasp and not let go. Feeling hopeless but yet knowing that you have to fight and can not give up. Seems like those who offer help only offer because they are trying to be nice but deep down inside they really do not want to offer you a helping hand. Those are the situations that leave you with tears escaping your eyes, your heart shattered in millions of small pieces, and just a overwhelming feeling of disbelief. The ones whom are supposed to be there for you offering you a helping hand, helping you get through the tough times, and jumping over those tall hurtles for you are the ones who will quickly back out and watch you do it alone hoping you bust your face on the last hurtle. When you fall to your knees crying and feeling as if you have no more life in you.... just think can you give up on yourself as well? Do you want to do to yourself what others are already doing? You can not do what everyone else has done to you time to grab those pieces shove them in your pocket whipe your tear filled face on your sleeve and suck it up and continue to fight no one will knock you out unless you allow them too.. Theres more fight in you that will allow you to get that final knockout instead of them knocking you out.

Having faith that everything you are going through will soon just be a minor set back and soon the sun will shine and everyone whom you expected to help you but didnt or fell short will now see that you are doing just fine and dont need anyone. Helping others at times is like Cancer its deadly moves quickly and is like a oxymoron all at the same time leaving you in a daze of unbelief. Its stated that the most successful people are those whom have a support group but how can you get their without a support group? I think I have the answer....... Believing in yourself and knowing that whatever you put your mind too will become something. Success is where you want to be, and when you reach the top remember how exactly you got there because thats when you will have a huge support group. The world is always out for theirselves. Every man for theirselves and only the hungry survive. With that said if you allow yourself to reach the levels of success that you want and than give in and break down to offer a helping hand to those who could not provide the same for you will drag you right back to your knees with shattered pieces of your heart right next to you. We have to kill them with kindness and act as if what others do to you do not affect you. kill them with kindness act as if your untouchable others may think thats a horrible trait to have but if you let others touch you with dirty hands you can catch something so maybe being untouchable isnt so bad.

At the end of the day its the one who strives sufferes and never gives up who makes it. Its the one that everyone thought was ugly, fat, or not motivated enough who makes it to the top. If its every man for themself and no one wants to help you thats okay do what you have to do to get to where you want to be. Easier said than done but at the end of the day if you cant be happy you arent able to spread your happiness to others who are in the same position as yourself and really need a smile to just let them know everything is going to be okay and they have a friend in you regardless. Maybe thats the support group that you need......

*Keep your head up Swallow your tears & do not give in to your fears everything is going to be alright*

2 years ...

This is one of my own Personal Blogs....I took a different method in Blogging this one I Blog "The Good Times First" and than the "Toughest Time of my life"

((This is dedicated to anyone who has ever lost a sibling or anyone who knows how it feels to lose someone so close to you.))

*REMEMBERING THE GOOD TIMES!

Memories...

Yes I have bunches we shared many laughs, punches, fights, arguements, and tons of good and bad times as all siblings are able to share.

Never once will I ever forget you helping me whenever I needed you, you had a Heart made of Gold and always helped anyone when they needed help. I remember you would lock me out the house when I stood out late on purpose! I would knock on your window and you would help me sneak into the house I would always ask you " Are you going to tell on me?" You would always reply "No as long as you take me out to eat tomorrow." Tomorrow would come and the first thing you would do is tell on me and tell mom how I came in passed my curfew and I snuck in through your window and waked you up when you were the one who helped me lol.

You always had my back and always protected me as if you were my older brother, never letting anyone bad talk me or do me harm.

Fighting over who got to watch tv in the sala (living room) and who didnt get to was one of the biggest fights. Knowing we both had a tv in our own room but yet we always faught for that Tv.

Calling one another names.. Fighting over anything and everything we could.. You would always tell me "Go ahead run to mom tell mom because thats what your gona do you little baby" as I would go tell mom you would laugh.. Now that I look back at it I laugh because we were grown I was 19 and you were 17 and yet we still had these arguements lol...

You were the best uncle in the world when Zay came into our life... Hes going to be just like me you would say and Boy did you mean every word. He acts like you eats like you and hates doing the same things you hated to do. You would offer to babysit him while I went out but the catch was the fridge had to be loaded! Having good times with you as we got older was the best we would sit talk laugh and crack jokes. You would always tell everyone how I ripped your pelicans leg off in a fight we got when we were kids. Mom tried to sew it back but there was no hope for that pelican.. Everyone would laugh and you would say I loved that Pelican lol...

Graduation day was the best day ever you were so happy you finally made it and so was I. You were so excited and happy told me that me and Shavonn had to go shopping with you to get you a fly outfit. We went shopping that week and got you a button up shirt some slacks along with some dress shoes you were said " You know I'm graduating I have to be on my Grown and Sexy!!" I cracked up with Shavonn.

((Shavonn is my best friend of 12 years whom we adopted and made her apart of our family so my brother would always consider her his other sister)) You asked us to make sure we were the loudest ones at your graduation and so that is exactly what we did for you! You were so happy and I was a very proud sister that day!

With the Good comes bad but with everything comes a blessing although losing you breaks my heart and I lost my partner in crime my road dog and my Little big Brother I am trully happy that you are away from harm and in a safer happy place.

*REMEMBERING THE TOUGHEST TIME OF MY LIFE!

Its January 4 of 2012 and yet I can clearly remember everything I did this same week back in January of 2010.


Decemeber 31, 2009 - You called me on New Years Eve at 8:45pm and asked me what was I doing and I told you I was trying not to bust my ass as I walked in heels up the hill to get to Mikeys house in the snow to visit him. You asked me if I was staying there or what my plans were so than I told you I was going back home to stay there. You told me okay becareful and Happy New Years.
*Never in a million years would I have thought that would be the last time we would talk or I would ever hear your voice again.*


 Thursday January 7 of 2010 I was off from work laying in my bed thinking about how I should call you and take you out to eat at Friendlys for dinner (considering that was your fave place) but I was waiting for my show to finish so that I can make the phone call to you. I never got to make that phone call nor did I get a chance to speak to you God needed you before I did and Mom called me to tell me you were in a accident to come to the hospital. My heart told me this isnt good but my mind kept telling me that you pulled another one of your antics and that you probly broke your arm again but yet everything was going to be okay. But it wasnt....... I remember everyones face I remember standing by your side waiting for you to jumpup and tell me Your joking but you didnt. Hiding the pain swallowing my tears and not showing any emotion what so ever was all I could do. I was numb, broken, and in a state of shock but refused to cry infront of you as I never did.