How much pain do you allow your heart to endure before you realize that perhaps you may be too good for your putting yourself through. Becoming a better you is a process that does not end. I began my journey at the maximum weight of 235 pounds. Unaware of how large I was I barely got on the scale because I mean who the heck wants to believe that they have allowed their self to get to where they are. I didn't believe in myself, however I knew I had what it takes to become a better person. I was allowing others to walk all over me time and time again. I was there for my friends more than I can say they were there for me. I was not in love with myself but I wanted someone to love me. Unaware that if you do not fully understand what happiness is you will just allow yourself to sulk into a depression funk.
Catering to those who did not need my time or effort. However am I upset over it. No. I am not. I can only say that I become who I am because of the rugged path that I have dragged my body through. I fell in love with the wrong ones, I wrecked good relationships, however in the process I have grown, I have learned, and I have found who I desire to be. I will not entertain childish antics, I will not put up subliminal messages, I will not go back to those who hurt me just for one night of passion. My self worth, value and time is just too valuable to me I have learned many lessons along the way and the most important one is that I matter. I matter enough to love myself and not allow anyone close enough to my heart to smash it over and over because they are not sure of who they are.
Losing weight did not make me who I am it helped me find my inner strength and allow my wings to take me the direction that I need. Was I scared. Hell Yea. I do not trust anyone and I was not even sure if I can trust myself to make the moves that I needed in order to better myself and end toxic relationships. Being independent means you rely on no one but yourself. Therefore I had to trust and love myself throughout the lonesomeness, the depression, the addiction, the toxic heartache, and the decade of lies and excuses. I no longer want to hear excuses because, "The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it" - Joe Belfort. I used to say I couldn't do things because I was afraid to get out of my comfort zone; however I realized when I left my comfort zone life really began, I found a true reason to smile.
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