Lungs are struggling to capture the next breath of fresh air.... Feeling the pain of their lungs reminds them of the pain that they have felt throughout life... Pain from everything childhood memories are just nightmares that they choose to not unveil... Hoping that this time if different but knowing and accepting that its just not different this time. Your friends have turned into the ones whom lie to you the most, seems as if your inner circle has just been placed in this boxing ring and your about to battle it all out and don't have much time. Feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, alone, and lost as you take this journey; wondering when it will all be over with... Deep down inside only you know that nothing has came easy but everything goes away quickly...
How can you trust and love when you have never been loved or have had the opportunity to trust anyone because those in which you allowed yourself to trust, hurt you the most and left you in the corner of the room abandoned with the lights off. You sat there with your face in your hands and your eyes letting go of the pain; beside you are the broken pieces of your soul in which now will be added to the puzzle of your life... . Those whom you have trusted have stabbed you and beaten you down to the floor.... How can you come up from nothing to something; when nothing is the only feeling that you think you are capable of "feeling" or even being comfortable with .....
Hopeless ....... What can you hope for when all that you have hoped/ wanted / and wished for has never reached your side... Hope is something you have less of as the days pass you by.. I guess that sorta means your hopeless right?? .. Smiling and making sure that the world never sees your tears swallowing your fears but afraid that one thing can tear you down and bring you back to your knees or to the corner of that dark room.. Crying/ yelling / screaming just "hoping" there is a light at the end of that tunnel... How can you build what you have allowed others to break down.... You stand in front of the mirror wiping the smog off of it to only "hope" that you are able to recognize the face looking back at you... So "hope" seems to be the one word in which you know every definition too; regardless whether you feel hopeless or hopeful, "hope" still remains in your life.
Do you hate the world for what you have gone through or do you hate yourself for allowing yourself to be put through hell and back and still taking it....Knowing you deserve better but preparing yourself for the worst, something your sort of use too... Good things come to those who wait and things will get better is what the world whispers to you when your crying your eyes out punching walls and spitting fire out of your mouth...All you want is a hug something you have never received -all you want is that touch the reassuring feeling that you are not alone; you want someone to take the feeling of discomfort/ mistrust / and hate away.. If good things come to those whom wait how much longer must you wait? I know that's one of the questions that burns you up inside as you cry and deny that you are really as hurt as you would like to accept.... Speechless and emotionless you remain never expressing nor opening up to anyone but yet knowing that you are a ticking time bomb waiting to explode....
Knowing that you are capable of being the one that anyone would want to ride with; you can hold anyone down but the min that you feel as if you are being used or being taken advantage of you are wiling to hold them down in between your hands and wait for their last breath... You want to feel their every move, every muscle struggle for their last breath...... but wait that wont help because you will suddenly see that's how you feel --so why do what others have done to you to someone else...... Makes you feel sort of like a fish out of water- wiggling and fighting for life.... There ya go that's what your doing your living life daily but your struggling for your last breath- not knowing which direction to go in- not knowing who to trust - not knowing why your so upset with people whom you don't even know if you care about. Your at your crossroads and you need to pick a path in which you want to head towards but yet you cant even make that simple choice because no choice that you have made has been a easy one nor has the outcome of your choice been one that you have appreciated ... You feel as if the world is against you and not by your side... Knowing you want to reach the top and enjoy all of what life has to offer but you are too confused and conflicted as to how/when/ or if you even will you get there.... Nothing in life is guaranteed, nor is our stay here but your sitting on your ass letting tears and anger flow down your cheek and out of your pores and not grasping a grip of yourself... You have more than some have yet you want more but aren't putting your all into getting there...
So now I ask you this are you mad at the world or are you mad at the world you created around yourself? I will never judge you I will never put you down I am only here to be your motivation your cheerleader who cheers you on in life but yet you cant even seem to see that because of all the anger hate and neglect that you have endured has blinded you from seeing this.. How can you love and let go when you don't even know what love means let alone how it feels. So I repeat I am not mad at you I will accept you and be there for you regardless of what you think do or say...
Do I have you figured out yet? Or are you still figuring our if these pieces sort of fit in your "Life's Puzzle."
When will enough be enough when will you allow all of the pain and suffering that you have endured in this short amount of time go.. When will you be able to spread your wings/ shine that smile/ and know that you have the whole world in your hands and will no longer allow anything or anyone to take it out of your hand and crash it before your eyes... You have your key to own destiny now its your choice whether you will use it or not. You have been through it all and yet you are still here hanging on strong with that said you can conquer and destroy the world without pain, tears, or fear. Speak up and let others know that you will not let a couple bumps in the road set you back, you will not let sadness overtake your soul, stop allowing those tears to fill the puddle in which is chin high and ready to drown you .... Wipe those tears away for your eyes along with the smog and allow you to open up to the YOU in which you have not let others see... You know who you are you know what you want and I hope from here on out you no longer doubt yourself and let sadness overpower your life and make your choices for you... We can not change the past but we can change and make our future a brighter happier place....
Whatever does not kill you will make you stronger so lets start by Rebuilding the new YOU and forgetting what the old YOU felt..... We will not forget but we will forgive; starting with ourselves while accepting that from the bottom the only place to go is to the top.... Lets make changes because we are coming back to life and conquering it one Goal at a time and not drowning in our tear filled puddle....
