From 245 lbs -> 145 lbs

Often times I hear many people tell me that they don't "remember me being fat."  Well I don't think anyone wants to remember "being fat" but it is something that we have to think about often and reflect on. Truth be told I didn't want anyone to see me at 245 lbs, and those that did see me quickly pointed out how I had gained weight and they would ask me, "what happened?" As if I had an answer. Of course I was not going to vent on how angry I was and how much I hated my current self for being so fat and letting herself go.

Was I always fat? No, but I always had an issue with my body and an eating disorder of some sort. It all snow balled and things hit the fan in 2010 when my only brother passed away and my world got flipped upside down. From that point on nothing was the same and I lost myself during the process understanding how to grieve.

Within a few months I had gained 50 lbs and soon after that all I can remember is seeing 245 lbs on the scale and thinking "this has to be a mistake." I ate for the comfort. I ate to hide the sadness. I ate because my brother and I often did this. I ate because I hated myself. I ate because it helped me go to sleep. I ate because it was satisfying. I ate until I caused many health conditions on my self. My gallbladder was causing me complications due to the grease and fatty foods I was consuming. I was also drinking alcohol and causing more irritation to my insides. I was told I needed surgery and I was also told that I would need to take medication for high blood pressure and how I could also be a great candidate for weight-loss surgery.

I was in denial that I had gained weight so quickly. I thought my clothes was shrinking in the dryer and that the clothes in the store were now being manufactured simply for "skinny people." I always thought "fat people" worked their whole lives to get that way (by work I mean ate their way there). However I soon realized you do not have to work your way to obesity. It can happen for a number amount of reasons. Regardless of the reason it gives society no reason to judge.

Depression was my reason. 

I grew up in a family where the women in it always spoke about their weight or someone else's weight. I was on the "heavier" side and I heard about it or they would gossip in "secret" about it in the kitchen over coffee. It seemed like no one was content with their body and that then impacted the next generation (me). I seen just about every diet product possible. I also seen how they encouraged one another to get surgery because physical exercise was insane and no one has time for that. I see how all of these things did not make anyone feel any better. I seen how we all suffer from low self esteem and no one has done the soul searching needed to "fly" and exit out of the toxic comfort zone. 

I wanted to be different 

always 

I knew I was different

always 

After waking up out of my sea of depression, I did some soul searching. I dug deep inside and decided to do things I did not ever do before. I wanted to do these things for myself. I often dreamed about doing things but I let outside influences tell me that I could not do such things and I should try to do something else. This time I wanted to do things I liked because this is what I was put on Earth to do. 

I will not walk the same paths as you do. I will not like the same songs, foods, or people, and that is okay. We will not all agree but we can agree to disagree because life is too short to go asleep mad over spilled milk. 

I'm Lactose intolerant anyhow. 

Somehow I knew I had to be sensible. I had to listen to myself and do things that I knew I could keep up with daily. Starting small leads to big results later on. I reached my largest of 245 lbs. I was never this big not even during my pregnancy. Seemed like I really put in "work" and I ate my way up the scale fairly fast with poor choices and little movement. 

I knew I had to make major lifestyle changes if I wanted to get my body to being healthy once again. I gave up all fast food, and took accountability for my actions. I did not wait for anyone to help me. I did not make any excuses because I was not lying to anyone but myself. 

If you want it badly you will do whatever it takes

I couldn't afford a gym membership at the time but that was just an excuse I could use. Many people can't afford a gym membership and that is why we have the world around us to explore and use as our personal fitness center. Time to walk walk walk. I parked far and walked when I could. I sped my pace up and I did at home workouts as well. I could turn on one of the fitness channels and do their cardio session or I can do a variety of other things depending on my mood. 

I began listening to my body and doing what I felt like doing. Everyday is not going to be filled with butterflies and rainbows but you can surely make the best of it. I could choose to let my bad day push me off track of I could use it to my advantage and push to make the rest of the day different. 

Excuses < Change 

I began my journey to a healthy ME and I never gave up. I gave up fast food, sugared drinks, and no longer was I eating for comfort or boredom. I signed up for the gym on a random day in December and I never stopped going. I also worked out at home and ate healthier. Its all mental strength and willpower. I can choose to not eat healthy and to relax and skip workouts, however I know where that will lead me. Do I want health problems once again or do I want to push my body and see what amazing things it can do. 

I chose to love myself 

 in a world where its easy to hate one another 

Mom Life

Single Parenting Outlook. 

Truth be told privacy in a single parent household is nonexistent. The few hours that they are asleep, you most likely will be sleeping too, so there goes your private time.

When we are not apart because of work or school, my son is by my side or fairly close by. He is always wondering what I am doing, who I am talking to, and where we are going/doing.

Questions upon Questions with 24/7 companionship.

I do not have a support circle, nor do I have someone whom I am co parenting with. So that means I don't have the same luxuries that others take for granted however as a single mother my goal is to make it work. I do not get weekends or every other week off but when I do get an hour or two to myself I do appreciate every moment of it.


You can let your struggles set you back or you can use them as your motivation to push for more.

It's just the two of us. 

All the time. 

Everyday. 

I have learned that I will never have a telephone conversation without a little person asking, playing or crying loudly in the background.

I have learned that I can never just "run to the grocery store real quick."

I have learned that I will never have a clean car as it will always be consumed there will be many melted crayons, crushed up cereal/food, and toys.

I have learned to smile when the cup of milk spills because never spilling something quite frankly is impossible.

I have learned to check to see" if the toilet seat is put down before I sit on it at 3am because when you live with boys things like that make a huge difference.

I have learned that everyone will have their opinion on your parenting style but no one yet has raised the "perfect child." Keep in mind the "perfect child" will grow into a "perfect adult."


Find me that person please as you pass judgement on all my wrongdoings.

I would like the perfect person to correct not judge or taunt me.

I have learned to be responsible even on the days when I do not want to adult.

It's easy to throw in the towel and let someone else take over. It's easy to ask for help and to rely on others.

I have learned to take the rugged terrain as it has made me self reliant and more aware of my capabilities.

There's no escalator to success. If you want it you have to push out of that comfort zone and do things you haven't done before.

I have learned to trust & believe in myself even on the days where I have no one around.

Most importantly, I have learned to be myself by being his mom because he doesn't care if I make mistakes.

Single parenting is one of the hardest jobs around. It comes with many sleepless nights, tantrums and you don't have any sick days but the best part is that it comes with boat loads of hugs and kisses.