NOISE vs SILENCE

I often get asked why am I so quiet. 

Well I don't usually have much to say (unless you truly know me). Many conversations others are having are not the same as the ones I am interested in engaging. Being able to listen and not speak is like having magical powers especially since now a days people have a lot to say and opinions are expressed even when they were not inquired on. 

The loudest mouth in the room is usually the one that has the most to hide. It's usually the ones that constantly shout about being "drama free" that find them selves in the center of the controversy or gossip. With the loudness comes attention. When the attention validates who you feel you are as an individual it kind of works as an oxymoron. Its the silent ones that bring the curiosity to the room. Why are they able to observe and not speak. What are they thinking of and how come they aren't sharing some juicy gossip along with everyone else. These two personalities do not attract one another.

 Attract attention with your silence for the right reasons. 

Sometimes you have to remove yourself from the noise to see if you are apart of the noise. If you aren't and become a target you know exactly where the "drama" lies. I learned it's totally okay to remove yourself from anything or anyone that is not helping me grow. That had to be the hardest lesson that I had to learn. I didn't want to let certain people go because of the connection or memories that we had together. Everything happens for a reason and every year has its seasons. 

Some people are in our lives for certain seasons and reasons. 

A humble soul helps others without being asked. A quiet soul hears others with a few spoken words. Its usually the quiet humble ones that get overlooked or talked about because they do not want to engage in childish antics. Age doesn't determine your level of maturity; your personality and actions does. The humble soul is usually the one that the loud one feels is boring or corny. The humble soul doesn't tell others their humble because they don't need the attention or validation for who they are. They do things from the kindness of their heart and they don't need to advertise it because this is just who they are. 

I have learned to keep a small circle based on the actions of others. When giving others the benefit of the doubt and still seeing their true colors; you realize that you can only allow someone to burn their bridges but so many times before you get tired of rebuilding. When you step back and look at the bigger picture you realize the bridge burned itself without your help. Self destruction is loud, toxic, and loves company. 

It's easy to not know someones story and judge them. It's harder to not know someones story and still accept them. It's easy to hear a rumor and spread it. Its harder to hear a rumor and leave it there. Life is all about choices; the ones we make determine who we are. You can be the loud one in the room and not know it because you attract the same type of energy. 

Its easy to lose focus in the noise. 

      Move in Silence and follow YOUR heart. 

Soul Searching this thing called L.I.F.E

I took a year off to simply soul search. To do certain things that I wanted and to reground myself. Sometimes life can happen so quickly day to day because we are stuck in some sort of daily routine that we forget to live in the moment. We forget to step outside and to admire the daily beauty. A smile is replaced with a straight face. A simple smile can change the world.

Life begins when you love yourself so much that you do not allow negative energy into your space. You will never be alone when you learn to love yourself. Loving yourself is something that a lot of people forget to do. They are so focused on portraying "the perfect life" that they begin to live in a toxic facade.

In order to appreciate life and what it has to offer you have to hit rock bottom. Life has to really break you down. Humble yourself to admit that you really don't even have a dollar to your name and you can not wait until that next paycheck. You can not appreciate anything if you do not understand that you can have it all today but it can be gone tomorrow. Fake the funk if you like but no one has their shit all the way together. No need to bash someone else because you are living a different life.

It seems as if mannerism has been lost right along with respect. It seems as if gossiping and fighting like they do in this modern day reality garbage television is the vital aspect of life. When adults that are in their mid 40's and 50's don't have their life together and are fighting and disrespecting one another in front of family, friends, children, etc, just doesn't shout out to me that these people have their life together.

Not sure what happened to minding your own business. You don't have to post it to prove it occurred. The best memories are usually made and not photographed because it's an "in the moment thing." It seems as if everything is a competition and someone is always ready and willing to push you down to get in front of you. Not sure what happened to compassion that seems to have been long gone and no one really cares what someone else is going through until the shoe is on the other foot.

Life will have it's great moments but it's the hard moments that will build your character, test your strength and ability. Overcoming the storm allows you to splash in the puddles with a smile on your face. The only person we should be competing with is ourselves. I always want to see my inner circle winning. Why would I want to surround myself with others who are not real and are praying for my mishap. Why would I want to surround around myself with others who do not represent the type of women in which I am and want to be.

Those who really love you will know the real you. Those who are in your inner circle will always have your back and understand you with zero words needed. Life is about living, learning, and loving. You do not have to have a spouse to love someone. You can love yourself so much that you make yourself happy. Perfect doesn't exist so if you mess up 100 times don't stop there. If you are still alive and mobile strive for 101 because maybe this time it will be right or another lesson will be learned, either way you didn't lose your life.

Observe more and say less. The loudest one in the room is the one that has the most to hide.
What is done in the dark always comes to light. Karma can come knocking at any moment; having a clear conscience leaves you worrying about nothing. Good karma always feels great because when you do things from the kindness and generosity of your heart; you will be rewarded if you are focusing on the right things. Doing it for the reward is never the right way to go about things; that seems to be the common theme now a days.

Alone

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines alone as: separated from others.

Being separated from others is a feeling many do not like. Being alone is quiet.
Being alone leaves you solely with your thoughts & self. Being alone requires you to focus on thyself. This is the time in which we must rely, love and protect ourselves. Being alone is a scary place; it brings about our vulnerabilities. Being alone takes us to that place we often avoid due to fear.
Being alone allows us to love our self. We spend most our lifetime loving others; we often neglect our self while expecting for someone else to fill the void. No one can fill a void that you can not fill on your own. In order to get the job done; you may have to get dirty.

I learned being alone is not so bad. Being alone doesn't mean I am sad or depressed. Being alone allowed me to focus on myself. Being alone allowed me to push myself to the finish line. Being alone allowed me a different view. I was looking from the outside in. I was listening and learning because there was no noise trying to poison me with their opinions or "realities."

Being alone is something that is sort of frowned upon. However not all those who wander are lost. Perhaps being alone for a season or two is just what the body needs to replenish itself. Its better to be alone than in bad company. Not everyone who wants to be around you is worthy of your time.

Being alone allows us to enjoy the Journey; not the destination. Being alone means you are okay with getting to the finish line and not seeing anyone there. Being alone allows us to hear the noise we want to hear. You can hear nature going on around you; or you can hear the loud thoughts in your head. Being alone we can shut those thoughts off and indulge in the sight and sounds around.

            I learned
                          Being alone can be very powerful.

REFLECTION

Bringing it back to basics. It has been close to 1 year since I have blogged. Sometimes taking a break from everything is what our body needs. Stopping to smell the flowers is something that most of us do not take time out to do. I would stop to listen to others more often than I would like but never took the time to listen to myself. 

I thought I lost myself or was losing myself; in reality I was finding a new part of myself that I didn't know existed.

I had a routine; this routine was very strict. I knew day to day what I was doing and prepared the day before for the next day. It was just something that kept me sane. I got trapped in my routine, it became my comfort zone. Comfort Zones are where dreams go to die. This comfort zone was a little different. I got closer with myself. 

Although I was working out, going to school, being a full time mom, and doing much more, I still felt like I was not doing enough. I was not being nice myself and I started to ignore my intuition. I soon learned this was not a bad thing. The darkest hour is just before dawn. 

I began to protect myself. I was selfish with my time and began redirecting my energy. I walked on many eggshells hoping to please those who ultimately didn't matter. I closed doors that I thought I couldn't. I ended the run on chapters. Sometimes we hold on to our comfort zones so tight; they end up suffocating us. 

The caterpillar does not get any credit; while the butterfly is admired. In order for the butterfly to obtain its beauty it has to start from the larvae and progress throughout the different stages. Giving up would be the easy thing to do. People are secretly waiting for you to fail. We must remember in order to win we must fail. Just when you want to give up is when the miracle happens. 

Just before the butterfly can fly it has to take the leap.