My Fitness Journey hits Reality

When I began my fitness journey I though I was doing it just to lose weight, be happier, and to prove many things to myself. As soon as I dropped 10 lbs I remember saying okay this is pretty sweet. The next 20-30 came along and soon after I had reached the 50 lbs that I had anticipated to drop however I do not remember being happier not even  a 75 lb weight loss was cutting it; I was hoping I would wake up and love myself, I was expecting to feel better everyday, and I was expecting to no longer struggle. I guess I was searching for a cure all answer and what I actually learned was that there is not "fix it" button, there is no elevator to success you have to take the stairs, and no one is going to be your cheerleader. The work has to come from your heart, your brain has to be ready to also transform the negatives into positives, and you have to learn that you are truly doing this for yourself, by yourself, and its all worth it. No gym buddy is needed, my 10 thousand motivational posts are not going to influences you if you are not physically, and mentally prepared. I was depressed, I cried, I ws turned down and called ugly numerous times, I was told I was fat by strangers and my "loved" ones secretly whispered about me behind my back. However I did not let any of that stop me because for far too long I struggled with hating myself, low confidence, self esteem issues, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and I mean I can go on and on however the real winning point is that I used all that to become better for myself not for them because they will always have a reason to be nasty, negative, and hateful because they simply have not found their-selves and do not love their-selves which means they are unable to show love and appreciation to others.

For many and I mean many years I have dealt with the negative committee and I must say that I am over giving it anymore of my attention. People will always have a reason to talk; however if they are not financing anything for my future I can not bother investing any time and effort into entertaining their immature hateful ways. I am far from perfect and I have yet to meet someone who has come close to perfect. I can not be ashamed of my past of the bumps in the road in which I have faced because they have made me who I am today and without those trials and tribulations I would not be able to learn the lesson's in which I have learned. I have become stronger, wiser, and I will not let my past trap me into a world of dangerous depression.

Not having a support system sucks. I should know I learned the hard way that people will change, you will lose your best friend, you will learn the true meaning of family, but you will truly learn to trust and understand yourself, choices, and decisions. I also learned that you will not wake up over night and feel wonderful, everyday is a battle, everyday is a new day to improve, everyday is a new chance, and everyday we have an opportunity to just be and do what we want. There's always a bully that does not feel good about their-selves waiting to gossip, laugh, and belittle you. Swallowing the words is hard, not shedding those tears is harder, and not letting it hit your heart is the hardest thing on earth when you already do the same things to yourself because it is easier than loving yourself.  Crying in the dark and praying for better days, waiting for the pain to fade, the words pierce your heart, however no one will understand the feeling because we can never walk in that person's shoes.

My weight loss journey helped me gain a new outlook on life. It helped me battle the demons that I did not want to face. Most importantly I learned to be patient because it was not going to happen over night, and 2 years later after my journey I am still battling my demons, I still cry, I still wonder when is it going to become easier. However I now cheer for myself louder, I pick myself up, and I cheer myself on every step of the way because I have learned to accept the changes in which I am taking and making. Ultimately this leads to learning to love, trust, and believe in yourself. Everyone already says all the things that you think so why not tune that out and begin living for the one and only person that matters the most YOURSELF. Nothing feels better than loving yourself and I never thought I would ever say that because it just sounded crazy.