"FAMILY"

So growing up we were raised around our aunts uncles grandparents and cousins. These are the ppl in which we think will never do us dirty and whom we feel will love us unconditionally and never stab us in the back. We feel that Blood is thicker than water and we shall always have one another's back right? Love one another and respect one another the way you want to be loved and respected. Well what happens when you see right through the lies, the rumors, and the vivid picture just happens to appear clearer than usual. Everything comes out and you see this whole time those you love quickly become the ones you hate. Those whom you thought were family are still family but are causing more pain into your life than your enemy! Now what? If you can't trust the ones whom "raised you, loved you, and cared for you, who can you trust? If you had my back but now I find myself on the floor with you standing behind me. So now I ask did you have my back or were you getting ready for the attack and decided right now was the best time to put up a facade.

I've learned one important thing these passed 9 mths God will never turn his back on you he will help and guide you in the right direction without you realizing it. He will care and nourish you without judging you or talking about you to others. I never thought I would be saying any of this but when I sat here and thought damn my family is all fake grimy and they are quick to be back stabbers and I felt hopeless alone and crushed; but my whole life has changed when I began actually seeking into something higher and more genuine and God has blessed me with positive ppl. I now am able to see who is really there for me and who isn't. I also am now able to say that just because these individuals are your "Family" it doesn't mean there's an obligation for them to remain in your life. Family are these people who want you to succeed whom want nothing but the best for you and who will open their Heart to you. So now that stirs up a new question :: Who is your Family? Who do you allow in your inner circle? Are those who you consider "Family" your "Family" are they your called "Family" because that's what you grew up to learn and believe or are they your Family because you actually believe they are?
I use to have 1 big happy Family than over the years it started to deteriorate and start to become moldy and it fell apart crumbled and became small and brittle. Now I see that the moldy broken pieces weren't really the ones that were my Fam and I am now learning that only the strong survive and God will never let harm near the ones you love or the ones that love you. I am thankful to have had a huge epiphany and now look and seek into the higher power for answers. I am more knowledgeable now and I am aware of the snakes in the grass. At times Blood is not thicker than water and that may lead you to think if you can't trust your family who can you trust? Well you can always trust yourself and your judgment in what God will do for you.

Hope that my bottled thoughts help someone else who might be confused doubtful or just plain ol stuck.

Nothing in life happens just because there is a valid reason and we must not give up hope.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

NOT GIVING UP

Maintaining the ability to not allow anyone or anything to break you down seems like the toughest thing in the world to accomplish especially now when it seems like realness has been a thing of the past. Seems like the popular tend is being fake and portraying to be someone you’re not acting as if you have more than you can hold and making the dull moments glitter like if their suddenly made of gold. Not everything that Glitters is Gold and everything that seems good and great is not always grand. Everyone will not be your best friend nor will you be liked by everyone but maintaining who you are and being real to yourself I would think matters more. In a world filled with imperfections we must except the good with the bad and the bad with the worse. Nothing in life comes easy but we must carry our bullet proof vest and our cape with us at all times even if it doesn’t match our attire because we must act as if we are a bullet proof superhero at all times regardless of the situation life hands to you. Life hands you lemons we make lemonade and once we are make more than enough lemonade the key is to flip that negative into a positive start selling that lemonade. They key to life is success and making sure that you are able to stand on your two feet regardless of the situation shows you’re not going down without a fight. Allowing yourself to drown in a shallow pool with floaties and life vests all around you is your option only if you allow it too. Remembering everything happens for a reason good or bad in order to Get ahead in life and learn valuable lessons we must allow the bad to not affect our whole outlook on life. We must go through the rough patches in order to learn lessons and create a bigger perspective on the true meaning to life.

At times we feel as if all we can do is sit and cry because we may or may not understand why we are going through more rough patches than soft patches but like with everything there are some ups and some downs to everything. Taking the good with the bad will teach us to appreciate the great opportunities when they do arrive. Speak up for what you believe never be afraid to express what you feel even if you do have to shed some tears. Nothing is wrong with letting others know that you do or do not like what is going on.

A Toast to the good things coming!!! We learned to crawl before we walked and we babbled before we spoke. Let’s take our lemons and make this profit no more drowning either tread that water or grab that life jacket. We cannot allow our dreams, expectations, hopes and success drown right alongside ourselves.

HEARTBREAK.....

Sitting in the middle of the living room ...... I look around at the area in which we would occupy to watch tv by the fire and now its filled with big brown cardboard boxes with your belongings in them....

Tears have been shed... Lies have been told. Words have been exchanged feelings have been hurt and distance has made a home in between you and I. All of the happy memories have been washed away all of the good times have been replaced with bad memories. Where do we go from here? Your gone and I'm leaving I didn't think I would be able to manage through the pain but i am determined to achieve my goals and success with or without you by my side.
My heart is shattered so are the picture frames that held our pictures....No longer am i able to smile as I look at the pictures. Remembering that I have learned and gained alot from this relationship we had. How can we go from I LOVE YOU TO I HATE YOU GET OUT. We went from being Americas Favorite couple to the couple that all of America never wants to be in. Its a shame that we have allowed things to get here because I am in love with you and I would never want to see you walk away and never turn back but if that's what your heart wants I must allow it and I wish you nothing but the best. Walking away and knowing that I do not want to look back because my past has nothing to offer me but my Future has a load of new people to meet, goals and dreams to accomplish, and places to see.

Seeing your happy now or at least pretending to be....
I don't want to pretend though and I thought you never wanted to either....
Seems like things changed along with your priorities. Running away from commitment but than getting married in less than 1 month tells me your still not ready....
Hopefully you do not hurt her as much as you hurt me and she doesn't hurt you as much as I have.. We have both made mistakes but yet you let 10 yrs go to waste and gave a 1 mth commitment the rest of your life along with your last name and so I hope you don't think your going to get the happy ending you left behind with me........... Everything could have been worked out but we both quit before our time was up...... now your married and I'm left wondering......... Lies have been shed hearts have been broken words have been exchanged and now vows have been exchanged.....10 years cant compare to 1 month or 1 year......Best wishes.....

The girl you fell in love with is Dead.... She is now a Strong Beautiful Independent Mother Sister Friend and Daughter..... that Butterfly Blossomed into the Lady you always wanted but when you left you didn't take away her flutter .......she will always except you for you flaws and all as you once did with me ......

Learning to grow and accept the things in which we can not change will only make everyone stronger as an individual. Life is not over nor is it near over continue to live breath and explore. Acknowledging that when one door closes the next opens will put your mind at ease.


To the ones that have Loved and been Loved and to those have Loved and Lost.

Lost in a sea of emotion tangled up  in sea weed struggling to escape the thought of being lonesome for the quest of my life time..
Surrounded by chaos confusion bottles my mind tears occupy the space within my eyes..
Seeking comfort within ones arms but excepting emptiness without a bit of hesitation or a tad bit of doubtfulness.
Spinning around in a sea or ovals as opposed to the familiar circles I once spun.. 
wondering where this large oblong shape has come from what part of my life stretched into this unfirmilar shape?
Is it a representation of how unfamiliar the girl in the mirror is or is it a symbol of the new changes that entered into that girls life? .
 A new u? A new me? A new shape? A new meaning? A new question with a new answer ...
Emotion -- it rules the body takes control and the after effects make the mind wander.. Leaving you desperately taunted at the thought of being unfamiliar with what's familiar around you.. Taunted at what emotions are trying to escape the facade in which ur covering ur life in unknowingly.