Opening old doors.

I often how write about how losing weight gave me a new perspective. Prior to me taking on my journey I often heard people sharing their positive happy thoughts and thought to myself how I wanted them to shut up. I did not understand how working out, eating healthy equaled a happier life. Seemed like some mad up crap that I did not want to fall victim too. I felt this was part of the "fake it to make it" business

And . . . 

I was not a believer 

I worked out for 4 years. I changed my eating habits. I trained & pushed myself daily. I was hard on myself and I did not understand how things that I wanted to change did not. I was focusing on small things and was not standing back and looking at the bigger picture. It's kind of like when I was 245 pounds and I did not own a full length mirror. All of my weight gain was all in my stomach but I never saw it as I only had short mirrors that captured my upper body.

Sometimes you just cant hide it anymore and you have to do things you've never done before.

Stepping back and looking at my journey with a positive clean mind I now do not hate the girl who was 245 pounds. I do not look at her in disgust. I do not judge her and I know that she does not live here anymore. It's not so much about losing the weight it's more about finding yourself while leaving behind toxic habits and relationships. I opened many old doors. I answered many times to the past. I settled for less

And . . . 

I did not have faith in myself 

I allowed others to define who I was perhaps because it was just easier. I lost myself trying to please the world and found myself down a long dark road all alone. I was hurt and yet it did not matter to any of those whom were "on my side" were by my side. At the end of the day we only have ourselves and we can only please that same person. Misery loves company and the past will always come back knocking.

It's about moving out and on.

Those who really matter won't need to knock. And those who don't will knock at your old residency. Why continue to let past experiences that caused you pain and heartache to walk through your personal happy space that you created. Why allow the past to inquire about the future when they are truly uninterested and were uninterested when you needed them. Timing is everything and sometimes they wait until it is too late and that is not something that I care to worry about. 

People like to be apart of the process but they do not like doing what takes to help you get there. They hate when your doing better than them and talk about you when you trust them with your secrets. I rather sit in silence with myself than be in the presence of many who can careless about my best interest. 

In order to move forward we have to

O P E N 

new doors & explore the unknown