Parenting

Parenting..... Where shall I start?....... No one is perfect nor is anyone's up bringing or way of parenting. The only thing that everyone can do is learn from what they have seen heard or experienced. Most of everyone in which I am around or socialize with are parents; with that said this subject has been the reason why I decided to write this blog.

Being a single parent is hard enough we all know and those who do not know well just be aware its not a walk in a park nor is it good and dandy. The key is to make it look like it is but how can you make something look good or easy when your breaking down on the inside and forcing your face to smile and not release tears? Many males and females do it daily and yes I say males and females because for every deadbeat "baby daddy" there is a deadbeat "baby momma" neither one of the sexes can be discriminated against when they are both equal offenders to the same crimes. When the happiness is gone and you cant bare to force another smile on your face without breaking down crying where have you gone wrong? Where have you failed as a parent? Have you failed as a parent or have you failed on yourself? You have not failed in any aspect. Failure is not an option unless you want it to be one. Breaking down only means that everything in which you did not want to face and was running away from finally caught up to you and it was just too much for you to handle at that second. For every smile you force, for each time you say "I don't care", that's just another obstacle that got placed on Hold to deal with at a later time. The problem is that we just don't know when that "Later Time" will be. No more faking, no more pretending, no more running and hiding its time to stand tall and feel honored that you have took on parenting and all that comes with it. You are riding the wave alone remaining -Unbreakable-.

Explaining things to children. One of the hardest things any parent will have to face especially if you have to explain something that you know will hurt them.
Divorces * Breakups * Changes in living conditions * a new baby * work schedule * or missing one of their events * Death *
Those were just a few examples of some tough conversations that some parents have to have with their child.

 How can you apologize to your child for someone walking into their life taking on the parent role and several years later walking out of their life and never keeping in contact with them. Children are the happiest little people around. They do no harm nor do they ask to be broken hearted. I have had 3 people in the same situation they are all single mothers and had to explain to their child why their Dad or step dad is no longer in their life. How do you break the news to this little person whom does not know what it is to no longer have the one thing that they love so much around anymore. Than again how can someone be there for a child for X amount of years and than walk out and never call write or keep in contact with the child at least. Do you not thing the child will be heartbroken, crushed, and think that you never cared or loved them. Children know more than they will tell you same with they feel more that they will be able to express. Having a 4year old cry because their step dad or dad wasn't around this Christmas but was around every other Christmas would be the hardest thing any mother would have to swallow. ( Same goes for the males that have to explain the same thing to these children ) How can you explain the changes to the child without breaking their heart more and without making the other person look bad. I say without making the other person look bad because the last thing you want to do is make the person your child thinks is a Superhero into the Town Villain and crushing their dreams. Keeping everything short is sweet is the key. Explaining that every so often we have changes that occur in our life but regardless of the change you (the child) will always be loved. Just because certain people do not see us, live with us or come around as much as they once did does not mean that no one loves you anymore. I am not an expert but I feel children deserve the right to know why things have changed and why certain people are not around anymore and although they will not fully understand I feel that by giving them a short and sweet explanation will reassure the child that someone will always love them and be there for them.

Bad mouthing your spouse or child's father/mother is a big NO NO! I see this done daily by a numerous amount of people in different age groups. Regardless of your age you should NOT BE DOING THIS. Last thing we want to do is give the child an impression of the other person that they may not need. If your spouse or child's parent has done something to you that has made you upset keep your feeling emotions to yourself. The last thing the child needs to hear is that their other parent doesn't care, or is a loser/scum bag, broke, isn't going to amount to nothing, is worthless, a deadbeat, or etc. Why would you want to say all of these things that a child knows is hurtful about the person that they love or better yet have not met. Its not fair, cute, or mature on anyone's part to say or do those things. At the end of the day regardless of how you fee the one that suffers the most is the child. Not allowing your child's mom/dad to see them because you are upset, angry or dislike them is not fair to the child. Why would anyone take away from a child the opportunity to see/spend time with their mom/dad because of the resentment that they have towards that person? Is it fair? Does it make you feel better at the end of the day? Later on in life when your child is able to put the puzzle pieces together are you the one who wants to look immature and stupid or would you rather be able to take that breath of fresh air because you have no dirty laundry that someone can air for you! We must think before we act because when we react that might not always turn out to be too good. As a parent the focus is not on how you feel anymore or about how much you dislike your spouse or their mother/father its about how everyone can work together to make sure that your child's smile never fades and is never forced. Their comes a time when everyone grows up isn't selfish and puts others feelings first that being your child.

No one is going to be a perfect parent just like no child will be the perfect child, but the memories that everyone will store and keep forever are how hard everyone worked to make sure things can be close to perfect. Nothing in life comes easy and there is no Instruction Booklet to life or Parenting but seeing what others go through and using that into perspective is all everyone can do. With every step there is a lesson to be learned and making sure that you learn from the lesson will be the key to success and happiness. Without happiness there is no success.