Spreading my Wings.

Struggling with balancing my world, and trying to understand those around me. Learning for my own actions and trying to settle my own chaotic world of emotions. Battling with years of unexpressed feelings and suppressed anger. Unsure if the path I am taking is even the correct one however I have its all about taking the chance. I have accepted accountability for my mistakes, and now its time to spread my wings and fly as I once did. Spreading my wings and flying away from all the negative feelings I held in, blaming myself for the actions of others. Burying myself in a pile of guilt and belittling myself for my mistakes. When I prepare to set sail , those closest to me who stated they knew me and understood me start to attack and stop my fight. Never once was I one to hurt those closest to me, never once did I use those near to me for my own self satisfaction, however now that I choose to do for myself I am wrong, stuck up, acting like I am too good, and not being myself.

Regardless of what I do someone will not feel as if it is the right choice. However when I struggle I struggle alone, when I cry only my pillow is there to catch my tears, when I am struggling to find myself I am once again alone seeking the person I once was. I don't need anyone putting words in my mouth, do not assume you know my struggle, feelings, or goals. My mind changes almost as often as I change my panties, however that should not concern anyone but myself because its my life, my choices, and my way of living.

Judgments are all around avoiding what to listen too, and allowing myself to do as I please. At the end of the day no one pays my bills, or puts food on my table, so therefore your opinion is irrelevant to me. Its time for me to do as I please regardless of who gets offended along the way due to their own underlying issues in which they much address for their-selves.

Why should I feel any guilt for embracing my feelings and achieving my goals. Goals are unattainable for all if you choose to follow them the sky is your limit. If you choose to fly let it be the correct way, for far too long I felt like the only time I could fly was when I was sky high inhaling toxic that would delay my thought process. Now that I can see clear I want to breathe in fresh air, and take flight with the wings on my back. If I fall I know no one will be there to catch me, nor will I expect anyone to alter their life in order to be available to catch my fall. This is my path, my flight, if I fall I will get back up and try my best once again. Whatever doesn't kill me will only make me stringer, I do not expect anyone to coddle me like a child, or belittle my decision because it is not something that they will do. We were all called here to serve the world in a different way. My way of living may not fit your standards of living however I live for myself not to please or impress anyone else. If I lived my life to ensure others were satisfied with the way I did things I would never advance.

Accept me for who I am regardless of how many times I screw up my own life and try to fix it. I do not recall one human being who through like knowing all the answers and never making a single mistake. Its about picking up the pieces and not crying about what been broken. Break things over and over who cares. Find new ways to put it together, make something new with those broken pieces. Alter the broken pieces to fit the new life in which you choose to live. Its all about changing it up and not living with the old hashed up feelings. I can only live to please myself, if I focus too much on pleasing everyone else, I am not living up to my own life's expectations. Call me selfish if you want however I know once I reach the top everyone will want me to remember what they have done for me and how they should also reap off of my benefits.

How am I fake in a world who is afraid to be real. We say its okay for people to be their-selves however once someone starts to be who they are they get belittled and bashed for being someone who they are not. Who are we to judge others? How do you know who someone else is, if you have not asked them questions in order to get to know them? Spending too much time judging someone else for their actions, leaves you behind in a world that changes daily.

Its time for me to take flight... regardless of what anyone has to say. I must stay true to myself and not let my surroundings bring me down. When your at the bottom no one helps you get to the top. But when your at the top everyone wants some of what you got. Take flight and don't look back at what was left behind, if it didn't fly next to you and encourage you to keep flying regardless of the weather, it isn't worth it.