For a while now I have heard from many people that you simply just have to "Fake it till you make it." While it all sounds good, I just don't think I have that type of personality where I will "fake it to make it" what exactly am I faking? Am I faking happiness? Am I faking the fact that I am living for the moment? Am I faking the fact that I am struggling to succeed in a world where it is easy to be superficial? What is it that I have to fake when I am simply just trying to find the reality from within that I have hidden for so long. I will not fake it until I make it because if I never make it I won't have to fake the fact that I gave it my all. If I fail it is only because that is what needed to happen in order for better things to come about. I do not have to fake the fact that I will make mistakes, I will not be perfect, I will drop the ball, and I will stumble and fall, however I will not allow these moments to impact my ability to continue to push through and still smile.
It is not fake to smile after a hard day, you are not faking happiness you're actually learning to just seize the moment and smile even after the storm because the most beautiful things come about after a storm as passed. I do not need to broadcast every moment, I like to keep many moments of my life personal, not because I am ashamed, or because I feel I am better than others, simply because I choose to protect certain parts of my life and do not feel that others need to know my every move because I do not see any of my bills being paid by the opinions of others. Growing up I learned, "If you have nothing nice to say, you say nothing at all." Many times I do not have something nice to say; many times I smile and nod because that is the "nicest" thing at that moment that I can do. I will not fake it to make it in that circumstance. I will not smile in your face and talk behind your back. I will not brag about anything because I have learned what you have can become what you had in a blink of an eye. All that you have worked can go straight to hell and you will have to rebuild. I will always remain humble I do not need to fake anything. I believe "faking it to make it" takes far more work than I want to partake in.
Its hard enough to put on a smile and to think positively in a world that is based on greed, dysfunction, terror, fear, corruption. A world where I fear the future will look like for my child. I will fake it to make it in this world for my son but I will not fake the real moments, I will not sugar coat anything, and I will not pretend everything will be butterflies and rainbows. I will show him how to be a strong minded man in a world where these men are hard to come by. I will show him not to be fake in a world where others are scared to be real. Why fake it to make it, when you can be yourself and enjoy the journey even with the turbulence.
I can fake the times that I have cried, nor will I be able to fake the smiles that were shed and the joyous moments that I was able to be apart of. I will not point and laugh at someone who has fallen because I am the clumsiest person around, I can not judge someone because they have sinned differently than I have. We live and we learn, everyone is fighting a battle that we know nothing about, who are we to belittle someone else based on things we know nothing about. We can not live in a point in time that is no longer present, and we can not continue doing the same things that have not worked prior. We can not love others if we do not love ourselves. I never knew what that meant until I applied into all aspects of my life.
"What if I fall?"
Oh, but.. What if you fly?
I read that one day and smiled. I thought about my life, I also thought about a favorite scene in my all time favorite movie (Forrest Gump) where Jenny knelt down and prayed she could become a bird so she can fly far far away. I also thought about Maya Angelou's, "I know why the Caged Bird Sings." We all want to be free, we can not fake that. We all want to become free and we want to just want to be happy. Those things I feel we do not need to fake. We can set ourselves free and become happy, but it requires leaving our comfort zone and doing the things that make us feel like we are standing in the middle of Time Square naked. Yikes I know! Those are the moments that prepared us for the Mountains we will move later. The only thing we should have to fake is a smile. Fake it 110 times because the 111th time not only are you going to smile but you will also laugh your heart out; because maybe its not that serious after all.
The day I chose to fly I chose to do so jokingly with myself. I took the leap & thought the minute it get's too hard I will leap back. That was something that I did not think would mean something different after the leap was taken. Do I want to leap back into old habits, do I want to leap back into things that made me unhappy? Or was I going to "fly" and tread water the best I could because although this was something scary it was actually something new and perhaps not so bad.
You do not have to fake it till you make it if you're living for yourself and ignoring the noise. I can sleep with my neighbor mowing their grass. Hey why should I be mad they are ensuring "their grass is greener" their grass has nothing to do with mine?
-I will not fake it to make it; but I will take it to make it -
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