I simply did it because I knew I needed to. I was sad, depressed, lonely, broken, lost, and sucked into a world where food became my best-friend and coping mechanism. I wanted to be healthy and I wanted to do things in which I never thought were possible like a cartwheel, handstand, or lifting heavy things that would make my legs or arms feel like they were about to fall off. NO PAIN NO GAIN. Let me tell you I hated hearing that just like I hated hearing soreness is weakness leaving the body. If you are not sore, you did not work hard enough. The fat girl inside me of me hated every minute of it, I hated hearing positive motivation while I struggled through my workout. Shut Up I am dying I would think in my head. Or easier for them to say because they are not my size and are not struggling like I am. Truth is we all struggle with different things but the key is to not give up and learn to love the process. Without the tough moments we will not appreciate the diamond in the rough.
I began my journey with the hopes that I would lose 50 pounds. I realized once I had lost 45 pounds that this was something that I had to dedicate too. I could not just lose the weight and go back to things that I did prior. Everyday would be a new challenge and everyday I wanted to push limits. I could not give up at 50 pounds and I did not give up once I lost 90 pounds. I have heard many remarks where people have told me I do not look attractive so thin, others stated they wanted to "feed me" because I looked hungry. Funny part is that we feel that people who are thin or healthy are that way because they starve themselves; when in all actuality they are just cautious about what the eat. Being healthy takes a lot of time, effort, dedication and discipline. It is easy to work out but the work that comes after is the hard part. Understanding how to make healthier choices is not easy when you are depressed and have life happening. I can always start tomorrow or next month will be the perfect month to start because........ The list of excuses can go on and on. I would know because I used every one of them.
I soon realized working out was not something that had to be done in the gym. I started off with baby steps. I took the stairs at work/ public places, not the elevator or escalator. I parked my car further from the stores I was going into and I even forced myself to carry the bags out the store. With everything I did I tried to think how can I incorporate fitness into this. I danced in my room when no one was looking because it was fun and I felt the sweat come on. If I told you I didn't look or feel silly working out that would be a lie. I make ugly faces, sweat like a piglet, and my face gets beat red! It does not make me want to give up!! Others who understand the work you're putting in will not judge you or see any of that.
I NEVER wanted to sign up for the gym because
- Everyone will be looking at me.
- I did not know what I was doing.
- I did not want anyone seeing my "fatness"
- Others will talk, point, and laugh at me
Truth me told people did look at me because I mean they all have eyes and will look around!!
Although I did not know what I was doing, other's will always offer their assistance and can also provide helpful tips as well. It is not a place where others will talk, point, or laugh at you because they are all here trying to better their-selves as well. People did talk to me because I was in the same place everyday at the same time. All the scary thoughts were in my head and I guess I used that to my advantage and this left me within my comfort zone. No one will laugh at you for getting healthy and being committed to your body.
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