How can we not love food?
I guess no one will really understand until they are in the situation. The
satisfaction that eating could bring. I mean I loved grabbing my favorite
things at the grocery store, and I absolutely loved eating out. Yum trying new
things and indulging in my favorites, blocking out the noise the stress, and
enjoying the happiness and satisfaction of fullness.
I
understand.
I swear tomorrow will be
different. I said that time and time again. Well I have to eat all this bad
food because I mean I am not going to throw it away so I might as well eat this
all now or this week and I will start next week when I am done with all this. I
could only blame myself for my bad food choices because….. I am the one who
does the grocery shopping in my home. Learning what areas to avoid in the
supermarket was something super new. I never thought I had trigger when I
entered the grocery store I mean yes a few (maybe a lot) of not listed items
end up in my cart but those are the ones that made me feel better so I
justified it.
I
totally understand
Changing my eating habits
ultimately meant that I had to do something with my “free time” that is time
that keeps me busy enough to not want to eat out of boredom, anger, or being
depressed/ sad. Being heavy also meant I totally did not want to spend much
time outdoors. Who the heck likes being outside I would think. How the heck do
people enjoy sitting at the beach or hiking? These things did not seem fun to
me because I was not comfortable doing those things, I would get hot and become
annoyed. I just want to eat now and get out of this heat and go home. I found
so much comfort in my home. I mean I have my favorite things here my son, my
food, my entertainment, and I was comfy. I mean what more could I ask for.
What
I had to understand
Being outdoors is
actually very stress relieving and can actually bring some calmness into your
life. How can I create memories with my son if I am home and unable to run and
actively keep up with him if I am not healthy and able to do it? With that said
I knew I had to do something because I did not want to make excuses when I had
already been doing that for so long and have been not giving this my all-time
first priority. My son deserves a mom that can keep up with him and take him on
excursions I wanted him to be able to explore the world and not fear being able
to keep up. I wanted him to do things that others felt they couldn’t and well I
needed to do the same. I had to believe and not lie to myself in order to
justify me indulging in toxic foods. Over eating came with so not so grand
health conditions that could have been avoided with just eating healthier.
Now
I had to understand
I could do this as long
as I put my mind to it and make it happen. Only I can do this. Only I can
control what I do. And only I could understand how uncomfortable I really was
at the end of the night. My health could improve as long as I improved my
lifestyle choices. Slow changes had to take place and that started with no more
eating out which was hard because it was something I did not have to do and
that was cook and wash the dishes after. Well it also came with money being
spent that could have been used in other more productive ways and a crap load
of calories entering my body and landing in my midsection. Changing my food
choices worked positively for my son as well. I did not want him to get to the
level that I have. I did not want him to fall in love with food and flavor. I
did not want him to rely on food for emotional support. I did not want him to
feel his only option is weight-loss surgery.
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